Understanding Challenging Behaviour in Young Children
Hitting, biting, pushing, and other challenging behaviours are common during toddlerhood. Although these moments can feel upsetting for parents and caregivers, they are usually a normal part of child development.
Toddlers are still learning how to communicate their needs, manage emotions, and cope with frustration. When they feel overwhelmed, excited, angry, tired, or unable to express themselves, they may respond physically because they do not yet have the language or emotional regulation skills to respond in other ways.
As communication and emotional regulation develop, these behaviours usually reduce over time.
Why Toddlers Hit, Bite or Push
Some toddlers may hit, bite, or push when they are over excited, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, insecure, or unable to communicate what they want. Some children may also seek attention or connection through their behaviour.
These behaviours often happen during play and may be directed towards children they do not know well, younger children, or siblings.
It is uncommon for toddlers to intentionally try to hurt others. Most young children are still learning how to manage their emotions and behaviour and want adult approval.
Is This Normal Toddler Behaviour
Most toddlers go through a phase of hitting, biting, or pushing. These behaviours are a common part of development and are not a reflection of poor parenting, except in rare or exceptional circumstances.
Young children do not make conscious decisions to hurt others. When they experience strong emotions such as frustration, tiredness, jealousy, or anxiety, they may respond physically because the parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control are still developing.
Toddlers are also still learning how to express and manage their feelings. When they cannot communicate effectively, their behaviour may reflect their emotional state.
Changes and transitions can also affect behaviour. Starting nursery, moving home, adjusting to a new caregiver, or welcoming a new sibling can sometimes lead to increased emotional responses or changes in behaviour.
Supporting Emotional Development
Sometimes, children’s emotions may unintentionally be minimised or redirected by adults. Adults may distract children when they are upset, discourage crying, or try to resolve situations quickly to avoid distress.
While these responses are often well intentioned, they can reduce opportunities for children to recognise, express, and learn to manage their emotions effectively.
What To Do When a Toddler Hits, Bites or Pushes
When challenging behaviour happens, calm and consistent responses are important.
Move close to the toddler and intervene calmly. Avoid scolding or reacting with anger. Prioritise the child who has been hurt and offer reassurance while supporting the parent or caregiver in comforting the child where appropriate.
Get down to the toddler’s level and use simple phrases such as “I can’t let you hurt.”
Avoid asking questions such as “Why did you do that?” Toddlers are often unable to explain their behaviour at this stage of development.
Some toddlers may avoid eye contact, cry, pull away, or become more upset after hurting someone. These responses are common when children feel overwhelmed and are still learning to manage strong emotions.
Once the situation has calmed, briefly explain that hurting others is not acceptable using simple and clear language. Avoid lengthy explanations, as toddlers may not yet understand them.
It is also important not to force an apology, as this may not yet feel meaningful to the child and can sometimes increase distress.
Managing Challenging Toddler Behaviour
Early intervention can help prevent behaviour from escalating.
Stay observant and move close when you sense a toddler may be about to hit, bite, or push. Gently guide or block the behaviour if needed while remaining calm and reassuring.
You may hold their hand gently, position yourself between children, or offer calm reassurance and support.
Consistent and calm responses help toddlers begin developing self regulation skills over time.
Effective Strategies for Supporting Toddlers
Praise and reinforce kind and gentle behaviour while keeping expectations and boundaries clear, fair, and consistent.
Give toddlers regular positive attention and connection so they feel secure, valued, and supported. Provide engaging toys and resources for independent play and involve toddlers in simple everyday activities to build confidence and independence.
Spending time outdoors can support wellbeing and help reduce frustration. Music, movement, and active play can also help toddlers express themselves and release energy.
It is important to be aware of tiredness and hunger, as both can affect emotional regulation and behaviour.
Support toddlers in learning gentle alternatives by using phrases such as “hands are for helping” rather than hurting. Books such as Teeth Are Not for Biting can also help children understand emotions and appropriate ways to respond.
Providing opportunities for social interaction and cooperative play can further support emotional and social development.
Looking for Patterns and Triggers
If a toddler continues to hit, bite, or push, it can be helpful to look for patterns or triggers such as tiredness, hunger, frustration, or changes in routine.
Understanding what happens before a behaviour can help adults respond more effectively and support the toddler in managing their feelings.
Reassurance for Parents and Caregivers
Parents and caregivers often feel upset or concerned when their child is involved in a biting, hitting, or pushing incident.
It is important to remember that these behaviours are a common stage of development and do not mean there is anything wrong with the child or the way they are being parented.
Toddlers are still learning how to manage emotions and behaviour. These actions are not planned or intentional but reflect their stage of development and growing understanding of the world.
